 | When you go to China, and you will someday, your Chinese friends will take you out for fancy dinners. That’s just what they do. |
First, some Chinese etiquette. (Disclaimor: I learned most of this from my husband, but he’s a self-proclaimed “bad Chinese” so my information may or may not be accurate.)
1. If anybody offers you something, say no. Unlike my Southern upbringing, where if the lady of the house offers you something, you’d better take it enthusiastically, Chinese don’t want to trouble anybody so they always say no first. They’ll offer it again, and you can say yes the second or third time.
2. The guest of honor always sits facing the door. The host usually tells everybody where to sit. There may be some squabbling over who is the guest of honor if it hasn’t been previously decided. If they make you be the guest of honor, be humble and protest.
3. No matter how hungry you are, do not take food until the host does, or until he (she?) encourages someone else to. Never take the last bite, and if someone offers it to you, decline until they offer a few times.
They’ll get a private room in a fancy restaurant. There might be a bathroom in there for you. If there is, enjoy it! It’s probably fully stocked with hygiene products, unlike other Chinese bathrooms.
1. If anybody offers you something, say no. Unlike my Southern upbringing, where if the lady of the house offers you something, you’d better take it enthusiastically, Chinese don’t want to trouble anybody so they always say no first. They’ll offer it again, and you can say yes the second or third time.
2. The guest of honor always sits facing the door. The host usually tells everybody where to sit. There may be some squabbling over who is the guest of honor if it hasn’t been previously decided. If they make you be the guest of honor, be humble and protest.
3. No matter how hungry you are, do not take food until the host does, or until he (she?) encourages someone else to. Never take the last bite, and if someone offers it to you, decline until they offer a few times.
They’ll get a private room in a fancy restaurant. There might be a bathroom in there for you. If there is, enjoy it! It’s probably fully stocked with hygiene products, unlike other Chinese bathrooms.
| Your place setting will look something like this. Don’t panic! Just use your chopsticks and plate, and the servers will fill or remove the other dishes. This place setting has yogurt because I took the picture in Xinjiang, the farthest western part of China, where they love yogurt. Other areas of China don’t use many dairy products. |  |
By the way, I’m just going to use English names here. The Chinese have some great descriptive names for their dishes (drunken chicken, lion head, ants crawling up a tree, pimple-faced woman) but I can’t keep track of them all so you just get the plain Jane names.
Also, this is a compilation of several different dinners we attended. They don’t bring all this in the same meal!
First, they bring cold appetizers.
Also, this is a compilation of several different dinners we attended. They don’t bring all this in the same meal!
First, they bring cold appetizers.
 Cold pickled vegetables, peanuts |  Cold noodles with mystery sauce |
 Yams |  Salad |  Fungus |
If you eat something with bones in it, just spit them on your plate in a neat little pile. The server will give out clean plates from time to time and take your dirty plate away.
From time to time, somebody will lift their cup or glass to you, usually with one hand holding the cup and the other supporting the bottom, and say, “Ching yi bei,” which means “Cheers!” so you do the same gesture back with your cup and repeat the sentence. If they say, “Gan bei!” with a wine glass, it means “bottoms up!” and you’d better do it. If you’re not a drinker, just pick up your tea cup and do it. If the table is small, they’ll clink glasses, but if the table is big everybody taps the edge of the lazy Susan with their glass. This will happen multiple times.
Hot dishes come out next.
From time to time, somebody will lift their cup or glass to you, usually with one hand holding the cup and the other supporting the bottom, and say, “Ching yi bei,” which means “Cheers!” so you do the same gesture back with your cup and repeat the sentence. If they say, “Gan bei!” with a wine glass, it means “bottoms up!” and you’d better do it. If you’re not a drinker, just pick up your tea cup and do it. If the table is small, they’ll clink glasses, but if the table is big everybody taps the edge of the lazy Susan with their glass. This will happen multiple times.
Hot dishes come out next.
 Tofu with mussels |  Bird's nest soup (yes real swallow's nest held together by swallow spit) |
 Fish 1 |  Fish 2 |
 Stir fry 1 |  Stir fry 2 |
 Crab |  Eels |
 Duck |  Vegetables |
 Tapioca ball soup |  Lamb pie |
 Pig hoof |  Rack of lamb |
When the server puts the dish on the lazy Susan, everybody ignores the food. Just pretend nothing happened. Then, the host will spin it so that the new dish is in front of the guest of honor. If you’re the guest of honor, don’t take any. Just sit there till the host urges you to take some. (Sometimes there are serving utensils, sometimes there aren’t. If there aren’t, use your chopsticks, just try not to root around in the dish.) Take a little bit, then spin the lazy Susan to the next person. If anybody offers you something, say no thank you. If they offer again you may take some. If you don’t want any, just keep refusing. If they put it on your plate against your will, it’s yours.
Just keep taking about two bites from each dish as it comes drifting by. Make them last. You’ll get full eventually. This goes on for quite a while.
There is no dessert, unless they bring fruit.
When the food stops coming, feel free to pick your teeth with the provided toothpicks. Be sure to cover your mouth with your free hand while picking.
Who pays? Usually the host or most senior person, but there’s probably going to be some mild to moderate fighting over who gets the bill. Sometimes somebody will have sneaked out and paid it without anybody noticing. Nobody goes Dutch. Ever. Thank whoever paid profusely.
Then, suddenly, when conversation goes quiet, the host says something like, “Tso le,” (let’s go) and everybody bolts for the door. There’s no hanging around, reminiscing about how good the meal was, saying what a nice time we’ve had. It’s just over.
Eating Chinese food in elegant restaurants is different from regular Chinese cuisine. The food is served in more delicate, dainty portions, and it’s more unusual than everyday cooking. No beef and broccoli here! Enjoy the slower pace, the conversation, the rituals. You can go back to slurping noodle soup tomorrow.
Just keep taking about two bites from each dish as it comes drifting by. Make them last. You’ll get full eventually. This goes on for quite a while.
There is no dessert, unless they bring fruit.
When the food stops coming, feel free to pick your teeth with the provided toothpicks. Be sure to cover your mouth with your free hand while picking.
Who pays? Usually the host or most senior person, but there’s probably going to be some mild to moderate fighting over who gets the bill. Sometimes somebody will have sneaked out and paid it without anybody noticing. Nobody goes Dutch. Ever. Thank whoever paid profusely.
Then, suddenly, when conversation goes quiet, the host says something like, “Tso le,” (let’s go) and everybody bolts for the door. There’s no hanging around, reminiscing about how good the meal was, saying what a nice time we’ve had. It’s just over.
Eating Chinese food in elegant restaurants is different from regular Chinese cuisine. The food is served in more delicate, dainty portions, and it’s more unusual than everyday cooking. No beef and broccoli here! Enjoy the slower pace, the conversation, the rituals. You can go back to slurping noodle soup tomorrow.