 | Travel lets you see the world, experience new cultures, and taste delicacies you never knew existed. It can also be a lonely time if you’re traveling solo or you’re with your people but need a break from them. This is especially true for long-term travel, when your best buddies are a million miles away. |
The problem? If you’re an introvert, like me, meeting people is hard. Actually, eye contact is hard. Smiling is challenging. Handshakes are terrifying, and nothing makes me want to bolt from the room faster than a stranger who wants a hug. But unless you want to spend time with only You for company 24/7 till you get home, you’re going to have to meet some people
So, get your paper bag to breath in and let’s do this thing together.
First, think about why you want to meet people. You don’t need new best friends, because you have those at home. All you want is some chit chat with nice people to remind yourself that you are a participant in society, not just an observer. Your experiences in unfamiliar places will be enhanced if you talk to somebody about them. You’re not holding auditions for My New Soul Mate, you’re just going to have a conversation. When it’s over, it’s over, unless you find out they’re really cool and you’d like to stay in touch.
Here are some tips for talking to people, any people. These are not travel-specific, and might work anywhere. These things come naturally to some people, but not to me. I have to practice them.
Learn names. Read the waiter’s or concierge’s name tag, and stick it in a sentence with a smile. Say it out loud so you’ll remember it, and say, “Hi, Eddie,” the next time you see him. If his name is Eddie, of course. When you meet people without nametags, get their name and repeat it right away. Then you’ll remember.
Smile at people you’d like to meet. This one is hard. Practice in the mirror before you leave your lodgings.
Prepare this sentence: I’m (your name here), and I’m from (your country). Say it over and over. That way, if somebody introduces him/herself, you’re ready. It’ll come in handy all over the place.
Ask questions. Even if you don’t care, ask something. If you ask people a question about something that’s important to them, they’ll talk about it and BOOM you’re having a conversation! Try these questions. “Cute dog/kid/cat! How old is it?” “What kind of camera is that?” “Can you recommend a good coffee place around here?” “Have you lived here long?” “Do you recommend the dan tat or the bo lo bao?” Stuff like that.
Sometimes it’s hard to come up with questions, but you have to because if you don’t ask them a question then they’ll ask YOU one and then the ball’s in your court. God help us all.
In public places, if somebody looks friendly, stay there. My normal inclination is to flee when a stranger smiles or takes a step in my direction or clears their throat as if to speak, but you have to fight that urge and hold your ground. They are probably not Jack the Ripper. They’re probably just going to make some harmless comment about your surroundings, or the weather, or ask if you would recommend the Beethoven biography written by Thayer or the one by Solomon. Brace yourself, and respond appropriately.
Exception to this: If someone yells, “Hey, baby, you should smile more!” or “Thanks for living, sweetness!” on the sidewalk, put on your RBF and keep moving.
So, get your paper bag to breath in and let’s do this thing together.
First, think about why you want to meet people. You don’t need new best friends, because you have those at home. All you want is some chit chat with nice people to remind yourself that you are a participant in society, not just an observer. Your experiences in unfamiliar places will be enhanced if you talk to somebody about them. You’re not holding auditions for My New Soul Mate, you’re just going to have a conversation. When it’s over, it’s over, unless you find out they’re really cool and you’d like to stay in touch.
Here are some tips for talking to people, any people. These are not travel-specific, and might work anywhere. These things come naturally to some people, but not to me. I have to practice them.
Learn names. Read the waiter’s or concierge’s name tag, and stick it in a sentence with a smile. Say it out loud so you’ll remember it, and say, “Hi, Eddie,” the next time you see him. If his name is Eddie, of course. When you meet people without nametags, get their name and repeat it right away. Then you’ll remember.
Smile at people you’d like to meet. This one is hard. Practice in the mirror before you leave your lodgings.
Prepare this sentence: I’m (your name here), and I’m from (your country). Say it over and over. That way, if somebody introduces him/herself, you’re ready. It’ll come in handy all over the place.
Ask questions. Even if you don’t care, ask something. If you ask people a question about something that’s important to them, they’ll talk about it and BOOM you’re having a conversation! Try these questions. “Cute dog/kid/cat! How old is it?” “What kind of camera is that?” “Can you recommend a good coffee place around here?” “Have you lived here long?” “Do you recommend the dan tat or the bo lo bao?” Stuff like that.
Sometimes it’s hard to come up with questions, but you have to because if you don’t ask them a question then they’ll ask YOU one and then the ball’s in your court. God help us all.
In public places, if somebody looks friendly, stay there. My normal inclination is to flee when a stranger smiles or takes a step in my direction or clears their throat as if to speak, but you have to fight that urge and hold your ground. They are probably not Jack the Ripper. They’re probably just going to make some harmless comment about your surroundings, or the weather, or ask if you would recommend the Beethoven biography written by Thayer or the one by Solomon. Brace yourself, and respond appropriately.
Exception to this: If someone yells, “Hey, baby, you should smile more!” or “Thanks for living, sweetness!” on the sidewalk, put on your RBF and keep moving.
Now, the nitty gritty on meeting people in foreign lands. Here are some situations where I’ve found it easier to talk to people.
Sports. Solitary sports first.
If you like to run, bike, or hike, then go do your thing and employ the above Talking Tips when you meet somebody. Ask the runner at the stoplight if there are any good hills around here. Ask the other hiker how far to the summit. Ask another biker to call 9-1-1 when you drive off the ravine. They might grunt out their response and keep moving, they might exchange pleasantries while you both catch your breath, or they might invite you to hike Victoria Peak with their hiking group next Wednesday. Be prepared for all three levels.
I love to swim, but there are almost no conversational opportunities there. Even if you make eye contact with someone and agree to split a lane, there will come a time when you get to the end of a lap and they have disappeared. You could follow them to the locker room, but I find naked conversation too distracting. You also might look like a stalker.
Classes are better places to meet people.
Yoga and pilates classes are great for meeting people. Most studios will let you attend classes on a drop-in basis or pay for a week at a time, and if you go around the same time everyday people will start to look familiar. Then, employ the Talking Tips above. Comment on how great the teacher was. Ask where they got those awesome moisture-wicking pants. Complement their Crow Pose. If you make conversation with the same person for a few days in a row, try asking them to go to coffee with you after class. I know it’s scary, and they might say no which would be humiliating, but it’s worth the risk. Especially if they can give you the secret for how they hold that Crow Pose without face-planting.
Sports. Solitary sports first.
If you like to run, bike, or hike, then go do your thing and employ the above Talking Tips when you meet somebody. Ask the runner at the stoplight if there are any good hills around here. Ask the other hiker how far to the summit. Ask another biker to call 9-1-1 when you drive off the ravine. They might grunt out their response and keep moving, they might exchange pleasantries while you both catch your breath, or they might invite you to hike Victoria Peak with their hiking group next Wednesday. Be prepared for all three levels.
I love to swim, but there are almost no conversational opportunities there. Even if you make eye contact with someone and agree to split a lane, there will come a time when you get to the end of a lap and they have disappeared. You could follow them to the locker room, but I find naked conversation too distracting. You also might look like a stalker.
Classes are better places to meet people.
Yoga and pilates classes are great for meeting people. Most studios will let you attend classes on a drop-in basis or pay for a week at a time, and if you go around the same time everyday people will start to look familiar. Then, employ the Talking Tips above. Comment on how great the teacher was. Ask where they got those awesome moisture-wicking pants. Complement their Crow Pose. If you make conversation with the same person for a few days in a row, try asking them to go to coffee with you after class. I know it’s scary, and they might say no which would be humiliating, but it’s worth the risk. Especially if they can give you the secret for how they hold that Crow Pose without face-planting.
 | Here’s me and my friend Radha, all sweaty after hot yoga in Hong Kong. Shout out to Yogaup in Discovery Bay! You guys rock! |
Ball sports.
Volleyball, basketball, and other rowdy sports often have city leagues or pickup games. Google it.
My husband is an avid ping pong player, so he does a google search to find a club when we get to a new city. He doesn’t play the lame kind of ping pong where people in jeans laugh and hold their paddles wrong and the ball goes, “Dink. Pock. Dink. Pock. Dink. Pock.” He plays the kind of ping pong where sweaty guys glower at each other, squat six feet back from the table, inhale sharply, and the ball goes, “pa-tink-pa-tink-pa-tink-pa-tink-SLAM” and one guy screams when he loses the point and the other one clenches his fist and exhales hard. Then they do it again. For six hours.
Volleyball, basketball, and other rowdy sports often have city leagues or pickup games. Google it.
My husband is an avid ping pong player, so he does a google search to find a club when we get to a new city. He doesn’t play the lame kind of ping pong where people in jeans laugh and hold their paddles wrong and the ball goes, “Dink. Pock. Dink. Pock. Dink. Pock.” He plays the kind of ping pong where sweaty guys glower at each other, squat six feet back from the table, inhale sharply, and the ball goes, “pa-tink-pa-tink-pa-tink-pa-tink-SLAM” and one guy screams when he loses the point and the other one clenches his fist and exhales hard. Then they do it again. For six hours.
 | One Hong Kong club Sam visited had a Whats App group for updates, and Sam received around seventy Whats App messages per day! Those guys were really into each others lives. Plenty of talking there. |
Find your sport. Meet the people. You already have something to talk about.
Church. If you already belong to a church, look up your denomination/style/movement in your new location and visit. Don’t get too picky--you’re not committing to a lifetime with these people, you just want someplace to park it for a while. Review the Talking Tips from above, and add one more sentence, “I’m Yvonne, I’m from the US, and I’m just passing through.” Avoid mentioning the V-word (Visitor) at all costs! If you do, they might make you stand up and introduce yourself, and I’d rather just hide under my chair in the fetal position than do that. Also--Meet and Greet. Ugh. This horrifying trend seems to have taken hold all over the world. Some guy on stage announces it and people descend on you like vultures on a carcass. The least painful, in my opinion, is the Episcopalian Exchange of the Peace, where you just shake hands and mumble peace-be-with-you-and-also-with-you. Simple. Clean. Scripted. Much better than the dreaded evangelical ice breaker. “Tell five complete strangers what your favorite childhood Halloween costume was!” Absolutely terrifying. Anyway, go to a regular service and see if any of the other activities look good--maybe they have a volunteer day or study group that you’d like to visit.
You know they’ll be nice people, because they’re already your people.
If you haven’t been to church in a while, don’t worry about it--church can still work for you as a place to meet people. Just pick one online or ask around. Pick one that looks friendly, one that has some kind of seasonal celebration, lecture, concert, or other activity that you’re interested in. Go. They won’t know you’re not a church-goer. They won’t know what you did last summer. They’ll probably feed you something and ask about your travels, not your theology. It’ll be ok.
Happy Hour.
“But, Yvonne!” you screech, clutching your pearls, “How can you recommend going to church and then recommend going to a BAR?”
Relax, Pollyanna, I’m not talking about The Love Shack here. Just a nice, friendly neighborhood bar. Like Cheers. Or your hotel bar, if that’s where you’re staying. A pub, maybe.
Go to Happy Hour. It’s cheap and people in bars talk to each other. I don’t know why, but they do. Sit at the bar, order a snack and a drink, and see what happens. Do not play with your phone. Usually somebody will comment on the weather or local sports, or ask where you’re from. Answer them. They’re probably not hitting on you. (If they do, you make the call.) But they probably aren’t, because happy hour is a little early in the day for that, and if you’re reading my blog you probably don’t look like somebody who’s trying to get picked up. You look like a savvy, sophisticated traveler who’s thirsty.
If nobody talks to you, great! You can get back to people-watching, which is what you’d really rather be doing anyway.
Frequent Places
“Frequent” is a verb, a command: go to the same place everyday. Shop at the same market every morning. Get your morning coffee at the same neighborhood coffee shop. Buy your paper from the same newsstand. Merchants and locals will start to get used to you and talk to you. Do not cheat and go to Walmart at the same time everyday--you could go there every day for a year and they’d never notice you. Pick some small local establishment, invest your time, use the Talking Tips, see what happens.
Look up Stuff You Like to Do on the Internet
What do you like to do? Google it! In Hong Kong, I googled “French cooking class” and decided on Chef Rene’s class. He has a beautiful professional kitchen and teaches small groups of people to cook delicious meals. The people were nice, the food was fabulous, we learned a lot, and nobody got hurt. Success!
Church. If you already belong to a church, look up your denomination/style/movement in your new location and visit. Don’t get too picky--you’re not committing to a lifetime with these people, you just want someplace to park it for a while. Review the Talking Tips from above, and add one more sentence, “I’m Yvonne, I’m from the US, and I’m just passing through.” Avoid mentioning the V-word (Visitor) at all costs! If you do, they might make you stand up and introduce yourself, and I’d rather just hide under my chair in the fetal position than do that. Also--Meet and Greet. Ugh. This horrifying trend seems to have taken hold all over the world. Some guy on stage announces it and people descend on you like vultures on a carcass. The least painful, in my opinion, is the Episcopalian Exchange of the Peace, where you just shake hands and mumble peace-be-with-you-and-also-with-you. Simple. Clean. Scripted. Much better than the dreaded evangelical ice breaker. “Tell five complete strangers what your favorite childhood Halloween costume was!” Absolutely terrifying. Anyway, go to a regular service and see if any of the other activities look good--maybe they have a volunteer day or study group that you’d like to visit.
You know they’ll be nice people, because they’re already your people.
If you haven’t been to church in a while, don’t worry about it--church can still work for you as a place to meet people. Just pick one online or ask around. Pick one that looks friendly, one that has some kind of seasonal celebration, lecture, concert, or other activity that you’re interested in. Go. They won’t know you’re not a church-goer. They won’t know what you did last summer. They’ll probably feed you something and ask about your travels, not your theology. It’ll be ok.
Happy Hour.
“But, Yvonne!” you screech, clutching your pearls, “How can you recommend going to church and then recommend going to a BAR?”
Relax, Pollyanna, I’m not talking about The Love Shack here. Just a nice, friendly neighborhood bar. Like Cheers. Or your hotel bar, if that’s where you’re staying. A pub, maybe.
Go to Happy Hour. It’s cheap and people in bars talk to each other. I don’t know why, but they do. Sit at the bar, order a snack and a drink, and see what happens. Do not play with your phone. Usually somebody will comment on the weather or local sports, or ask where you’re from. Answer them. They’re probably not hitting on you. (If they do, you make the call.) But they probably aren’t, because happy hour is a little early in the day for that, and if you’re reading my blog you probably don’t look like somebody who’s trying to get picked up. You look like a savvy, sophisticated traveler who’s thirsty.
If nobody talks to you, great! You can get back to people-watching, which is what you’d really rather be doing anyway.
Frequent Places
“Frequent” is a verb, a command: go to the same place everyday. Shop at the same market every morning. Get your morning coffee at the same neighborhood coffee shop. Buy your paper from the same newsstand. Merchants and locals will start to get used to you and talk to you. Do not cheat and go to Walmart at the same time everyday--you could go there every day for a year and they’d never notice you. Pick some small local establishment, invest your time, use the Talking Tips, see what happens.
Look up Stuff You Like to Do on the Internet
What do you like to do? Google it! In Hong Kong, I googled “French cooking class” and decided on Chef Rene’s class. He has a beautiful professional kitchen and teaches small groups of people to cook delicious meals. The people were nice, the food was fabulous, we learned a lot, and nobody got hurt. Success!
 | Here are Kid 3 and me with Chef Rene. |
 Beef striploin with red wine and shallot sauce |  Warm chocolate cake |
Don’t limit yourself to the tourist-y things in your locale--think about what you really like and find some way to do that. That way, you can do something you love with other people. What do you like to do? City walking tour? Cooking? Knitting? Calligraphy? Brass rubbings? Photography? If the other people are nice, you can talk to them. If nobody’s talking, you still get to do that thing you love.
Well, I hope these suggestions help! Being an introvert is usually quite rewarding, because I am such good company for myself, but sometimes you need other people. As intimidating as it is, talking to people is a huge part of traveling which can enrich your experience. Come out of your shell for a little while! You can go back in whenever you want.
Do you have any good ways to meet people while traveling? Tips? Suggestions? Useful examples? Painful anecdotes you’d like to share with the class? Email me.
Well, I hope these suggestions help! Being an introvert is usually quite rewarding, because I am such good company for myself, but sometimes you need other people. As intimidating as it is, talking to people is a huge part of traveling which can enrich your experience. Come out of your shell for a little while! You can go back in whenever you want.
Do you have any good ways to meet people while traveling? Tips? Suggestions? Useful examples? Painful anecdotes you’d like to share with the class? Email me.
Also, how about subscribing to my blog? I’ll send you a newsletter once a week or so, full of tidbits about where I am at the moment.
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