 | In general, I try to keep it positive here at Escaping the Empty Nest. I want my readers to feel like the world is a big, beautiful place that is inviting and available. I want you to feel like people are wonderful and if we just meet them all there would be world peace because we will truly connect. I want you to be inspired. Today is just not that day. |
Maldives is a beautiful place with white sand beaches and turquoise water. There are water villas where you can go down steps from your porch into the ocean. You can snorkel and see all those fish that you previously only saw in the dentist’s waiting room aquarium. You can wear a swimsuit all day long. The staff is really nice.
It wasn’t my thing.
“Wow, Yvonne, you are one spoiled woman,” you’re thinking, and you’re probably right. I realize that taking a paradise beach vacation is beyond the means of most people, and I feel pretty selfish and stinky for feeling this way.
But I had three choices, as a travel blogger. I could...
1. Lie and tell you what a great time I had.
2. Skip a Maldives post altogether and pretend it didn’t happen.
3. Tell you the truth so that you can make a more informed decision next time you’re planning a beach vacation. Also, this way you will realize that I am not the perky resilient intrepid optimistic traveler I have tried to be in all my other posts.
I opted for number 3.
Hear me out, and see what you think.
It wasn’t my thing.
“Wow, Yvonne, you are one spoiled woman,” you’re thinking, and you’re probably right. I realize that taking a paradise beach vacation is beyond the means of most people, and I feel pretty selfish and stinky for feeling this way.
But I had three choices, as a travel blogger. I could...
1. Lie and tell you what a great time I had.
2. Skip a Maldives post altogether and pretend it didn’t happen.
3. Tell you the truth so that you can make a more informed decision next time you’re planning a beach vacation. Also, this way you will realize that I am not the perky resilient intrepid optimistic traveler I have tried to be in all my other posts.
I opted for number 3.
Hear me out, and see what you think.
A Brief History of Tourism in the Maldives
The Maldives is a Muslim nation with an average elevation of about 5 feet. It’s a bunch of tiny islands on a coral reef. Until the 1970s, there wasn’t much tourism, but in the 70s the government decided to give it a whirl. Resorts were built on individual tiny islands, and tourists took ferries or seaplanes from the main island where the airport is. Tourism really took off, but you had to stay on a resort island so it was a pretty expensive vacation. In 2009, regulations changed and tourists could stay in local guesthouses and mingle with the general population. The difference? Well, if you stay in a resort it’s a standard resort with resort atmosphere, but if you stay with the locals you might not get to wear your bikini because of religious rules, and you might have to eat the local delicacy of fish, rice and coconut three meals a day. Also, you’d have to scout around to find kayaks, dive school, new flip flops, etc.
The Maldives is a Muslim nation with an average elevation of about 5 feet. It’s a bunch of tiny islands on a coral reef. Until the 1970s, there wasn’t much tourism, but in the 70s the government decided to give it a whirl. Resorts were built on individual tiny islands, and tourists took ferries or seaplanes from the main island where the airport is. Tourism really took off, but you had to stay on a resort island so it was a pretty expensive vacation. In 2009, regulations changed and tourists could stay in local guesthouses and mingle with the general population. The difference? Well, if you stay in a resort it’s a standard resort with resort atmosphere, but if you stay with the locals you might not get to wear your bikini because of religious rules, and you might have to eat the local delicacy of fish, rice and coconut three meals a day. Also, you’d have to scout around to find kayaks, dive school, new flip flops, etc.
I did the research and, because of our current demographic of middle-aged couple plus teenager, chose to go with a resort.
I started researching. Which resort? How many stars? What amenities? Ferry or seaplane? Travel dates? It was really different from normal trip planning because seaplanes only fly early in the day but we’d need to fly six hours from Hong Kong so we’d have to go early in the morning but there aren’t that many flights so we’d have to fly one day and spend the night in a hotel and get a seaplane the next day and do the reverse on the trip out which really adds up the cost and how would we find a flight, a hotel, a seaplane, and a resort for a three-day vacation?
Then somebody told us they’d just booked a trip to Maldives with a travel agent.
A travel agent?! I hadn’t used a travel agent since 1993. Since the invention of the internet, I’ve done all my trip planning myself. But this time, I was going to a totally new weird place and had never even talked to anyone who’d been to the Maldives. I needed professional help.
I went down to the travel agency and a lady named Rachel took our info. She called back a day later with options. We picked Bandos resort. We gave Rachel money. She emailed us our tickets. Done.
It felt too easy. Like cheating. Like I’d betrayed my calling as a travel blogger. But it still felt good, so I went with it, just feeling a little dirty. I should have remembered that feeling from my checkered past.
Now, I’ve got to say, the Maldives trip was not horrible. It was not painful. It was not disgusting or revolting or twisted. It just wasn’t my thing.
The day we left, Kid 2, in college a million miles away, came down with the flu. Before getting on the flight, I talked him through the puking phase, advised him on what foods to try later, and encouraged him to drink lots and take all his medicine that the doctor had prescribed. Then I breathed deeply and got on the plane.
We flew six hours from Hong Kong to Male. The airport is small and breezy. A guy with a sign met us and escorted us to the Bandos Resort meeting area. Sam got a SIM card, but Kid 3 and I did not because there was wifi at the resort. The Bandos Resort counter guy escorted us down to the ferry, a one-minute walk. It was dark and the ferry was bouncing around, but they put us onboard and gave us life jackets, the token kind of life jacket that you know you won’t have to use. We sped off through the pitch-black night, wind in our hair and sea breezes in our lungs. It was lovely.
When we arrived at the resort they greeted us with iced tea and wet washcloths, then told us we’d been upgraded from our Jacuzzi Beach Villa to the Water Villa. A free upgrade! To the Water Villa! Yes! So far, I was loving the Maldives.
I started researching. Which resort? How many stars? What amenities? Ferry or seaplane? Travel dates? It was really different from normal trip planning because seaplanes only fly early in the day but we’d need to fly six hours from Hong Kong so we’d have to go early in the morning but there aren’t that many flights so we’d have to fly one day and spend the night in a hotel and get a seaplane the next day and do the reverse on the trip out which really adds up the cost and how would we find a flight, a hotel, a seaplane, and a resort for a three-day vacation?
Then somebody told us they’d just booked a trip to Maldives with a travel agent.
A travel agent?! I hadn’t used a travel agent since 1993. Since the invention of the internet, I’ve done all my trip planning myself. But this time, I was going to a totally new weird place and had never even talked to anyone who’d been to the Maldives. I needed professional help.
I went down to the travel agency and a lady named Rachel took our info. She called back a day later with options. We picked Bandos resort. We gave Rachel money. She emailed us our tickets. Done.
It felt too easy. Like cheating. Like I’d betrayed my calling as a travel blogger. But it still felt good, so I went with it, just feeling a little dirty. I should have remembered that feeling from my checkered past.
Now, I’ve got to say, the Maldives trip was not horrible. It was not painful. It was not disgusting or revolting or twisted. It just wasn’t my thing.
The day we left, Kid 2, in college a million miles away, came down with the flu. Before getting on the flight, I talked him through the puking phase, advised him on what foods to try later, and encouraged him to drink lots and take all his medicine that the doctor had prescribed. Then I breathed deeply and got on the plane.
We flew six hours from Hong Kong to Male. The airport is small and breezy. A guy with a sign met us and escorted us to the Bandos Resort meeting area. Sam got a SIM card, but Kid 3 and I did not because there was wifi at the resort. The Bandos Resort counter guy escorted us down to the ferry, a one-minute walk. It was dark and the ferry was bouncing around, but they put us onboard and gave us life jackets, the token kind of life jacket that you know you won’t have to use. We sped off through the pitch-black night, wind in our hair and sea breezes in our lungs. It was lovely.
When we arrived at the resort they greeted us with iced tea and wet washcloths, then told us we’d been upgraded from our Jacuzzi Beach Villa to the Water Villa. A free upgrade! To the Water Villa! Yes! So far, I was loving the Maldives.
The Water Villa was beautiful. It was on stilts over the ocean. Spacious, high-ceilinged, with a huge bed and gigantic bathroom and porch steps going down to the sea. Still loving Maldives.
I was still thinking about Kid 2 with the flu and getting frequent updates on his progress, which was very slow because it was a bad flu and he was mom-less. It was his first time being really sick away from me. I felt terrible. So did he.
We had the full-board plan, which gave us three meals a day. The first two meals at the Gallery Restaurant’s big old buffet were pleasant but not delicious. It was like Golden Corral on International Day.
The sun was out, so Kid 3 and I snorkeled off our porch after breakfast. Here was my first big disappointment: the coral was bleached. It was all light gray. No pink, no blue, no yellow. It was the first time I ever saw the effects of global warming up close. The fish were still beautiful, and the part where the reef drops off suddenly and becomes bottomless sea was astounding, but it was so sad to see all that gray coral. I don’t have an underwater camera, so you’ll have to trust me on that one.
We had the full-board plan, which gave us three meals a day. The first two meals at the Gallery Restaurant’s big old buffet were pleasant but not delicious. It was like Golden Corral on International Day.
The sun was out, so Kid 3 and I snorkeled off our porch after breakfast. Here was my first big disappointment: the coral was bleached. It was all light gray. No pink, no blue, no yellow. It was the first time I ever saw the effects of global warming up close. The fish were still beautiful, and the part where the reef drops off suddenly and becomes bottomless sea was astounding, but it was so sad to see all that gray coral. I don’t have an underwater camera, so you’ll have to trust me on that one.
Sam was stuck in the lovely water villa because he had recently had eye surgery and couldn’t get his eye wet. That was also sad. He waded a bit.
The weather threatened to rain, but it didn’t the first day. Kid 3 kayaked and Sam took a glass-bottomed boat tour. Our sailing outing was cancelled because of high winds.
The weather threatened to rain, but it didn’t the first day. Kid 3 kayaked and Sam took a glass-bottomed boat tour. Our sailing outing was cancelled because of high winds.
I began trying to relax. I sat on the porch reading Of Human Bondage. I probably should have been reading something like Sweet Savage Love, but I’m really not into that. (By the way, I highly recommend OHB, it’s a terrific story about a disabled orphan who grows up to be a jerk--will he come round, or won’t he? You find out!)
There are many places to relax in the Maldives.
There are many places to relax in the Maldives.
The second day, we learned that they had again upgraded us to the water villa, so we stayed put. Loving the Maldives again.
Then the rain started. Sam and Kid 3 went for a submarine trip, but it was cancelled due to strong underwater currents. I sat by the pool reading OHB between rain bursts.
Kid 2 back in New York still suffered from the flu. He couldn’t eat much, took his medicine and a hot shower, and got dizzy and lay on the bathroom floor until he could crawl to his bed and hold the pillow over his head to stop the room from spinning. I was pretty sure it was just lack of food, a full tummy of drugs, and the exhausting hot shower. Sure enough, it passed when he got some food down. I still felt terrible.
It kept raining. The wifi sucked. TV was minimal. We burned through Sam’s hotspot and he performed consumer gymnastics to get it recharged.
Kid 3 and I kayaked during a break in the rain. We had fun racing each other. He was faster than me but also accidentally capsized and we laughed a lot trying to get him back in his boat. Loving Maldives again.
Then the rain started. Sam and Kid 3 went for a submarine trip, but it was cancelled due to strong underwater currents. I sat by the pool reading OHB between rain bursts.
Kid 2 back in New York still suffered from the flu. He couldn’t eat much, took his medicine and a hot shower, and got dizzy and lay on the bathroom floor until he could crawl to his bed and hold the pillow over his head to stop the room from spinning. I was pretty sure it was just lack of food, a full tummy of drugs, and the exhausting hot shower. Sure enough, it passed when he got some food down. I still felt terrible.
It kept raining. The wifi sucked. TV was minimal. We burned through Sam’s hotspot and he performed consumer gymnastics to get it recharged.
Kid 3 and I kayaked during a break in the rain. We had fun racing each other. He was faster than me but also accidentally capsized and we laughed a lot trying to get him back in his boat. Loving Maldives again.
No more free villa upgrades. We moved to the smaller Jacuzzi Beach Villa. Kid 3 and I filled the jacuzzi and sat in it in our swimsuits staring at each other while it rained.
Because the resort is on a small island, there is no place to go but the resort. Sam and I walked the perimeter of the island in about 45 minutes, intermittently holding our umbrellas sideways to keep the wind and rain off. There was a boat in the jungle.
Because the resort is on a small island, there is no place to go but the resort. Sam and I walked the perimeter of the island in about 45 minutes, intermittently holding our umbrellas sideways to keep the wind and rain off. There was a boat in the jungle.
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Sam’s birthday happened, and we opted to go to the fancier restaurant to celebrate. Somehow the staff found out it was his birthday, and when we arrived they had a table with flowers, candles, and “Happy Birthday” spelled out in glitter. Sam glared at the head waiter and growled, “Absolutely no singing” because we had heard the wait staff singing to somebody else. There is no greater way to mortify someone in our family than by putting us on the spot and singing that dirge-like folk song in public, especially if you fall short on the octave skip, which they usually do. We would bolt from the restaurant before the song was over.
(By the way, people, if you want to sing Happy Birthday or the Star Spangled Banner in public, take my advice: start low, sing fast. You’re welcome.)
The storm raged on during the birthday dinner, forcing the staff to batten down the hatches. The electricity went out, and we were glad we got the candle. They brought the birthday boy a fun-size chocolate cake to share, but didn’t seem to know how to present it without the singing. The waiters finally smiled awkwardly and crab-walked away. We ate the cake, re-arranged the glitter to spell “Thank you,” and called it a day.
Kid 2 in New York ate baby-back ribs instead of chicken soup and wondered why his stomach felt funny. I felt miserable, even though I had advised him on how to re-introduce foods to his traumatized tummy. I wanted to fly to New York to yell at him and then make him some chicken soup and fluff his pillows.
The Gallery restaurant began to be odious to me. Food was included in the price, but drinks were not. Maldives makes its own water by desalination, so you even have to pay for water with meals. Hmmph. Still, good job on the water survival skills, Maldives!
Kayaking was cancelled due to strong currents.
The last day, our return flight was a red-eye, but checkout time was 2 p.m. We put our suitcases in storage and Sam and Kid 3 went on the submarine ride. They saw the gray coral way down deep. Again, sad. When they returned, we parked by the pool to wait for the evening ferry to the airport. Bats began to roost in the trees above us. Briefly loving Maldives again.
(By the way, people, if you want to sing Happy Birthday or the Star Spangled Banner in public, take my advice: start low, sing fast. You’re welcome.)
The storm raged on during the birthday dinner, forcing the staff to batten down the hatches. The electricity went out, and we were glad we got the candle. They brought the birthday boy a fun-size chocolate cake to share, but didn’t seem to know how to present it without the singing. The waiters finally smiled awkwardly and crab-walked away. We ate the cake, re-arranged the glitter to spell “Thank you,” and called it a day.
Kid 2 in New York ate baby-back ribs instead of chicken soup and wondered why his stomach felt funny. I felt miserable, even though I had advised him on how to re-introduce foods to his traumatized tummy. I wanted to fly to New York to yell at him and then make him some chicken soup and fluff his pillows.
The Gallery restaurant began to be odious to me. Food was included in the price, but drinks were not. Maldives makes its own water by desalination, so you even have to pay for water with meals. Hmmph. Still, good job on the water survival skills, Maldives!
Kayaking was cancelled due to strong currents.
The last day, our return flight was a red-eye, but checkout time was 2 p.m. We put our suitcases in storage and Sam and Kid 3 went on the submarine ride. They saw the gray coral way down deep. Again, sad. When they returned, we parked by the pool to wait for the evening ferry to the airport. Bats began to roost in the trees above us. Briefly loving Maldives again.
Then Kid 1, also in college a million miles away, began to have flu symptoms. That was bad, because she had been under the weather for a while and I was afraid that if she got Kid 2’s terrible flu she’d be really sick. My mom-instincts began shouting at me and refused to stop. Sam recognized this, and threw it into gear. He called Cathay Pacific, where he’s in the frequent flyer club, and got me on a flight for the next day. He even booked me in premium economy! He gets me.
The next two days were a whirlwind. We took a red-eye from Maldives to Hong Kong Thursday night, and took the bus to our apartment. I threw all my beach clothes out of my suitcase, threw in all my winter clothes, and took the bus back to the airport. Kissed Sam and Kid 3 goodbye for the first time in eight months. I caught the Friday night red-eye from Hong Kong to New York, a whopping 15 hour flight. True confessions: I broke my personal rule of never taking sleep aids on a plane, because I was pretty sure my body was going to seize up with all those changes if I didn’t rest. I slept like a fitful baby, sprawled across two seats because thank God there was nobody next to me.
When I arrived in New York, Kid 1 had not spiralled downward. She was not in the hospital. She just had a really bad cold. I made her some food, took Kid 2 to the doctor to make sure that hacking cough was on its way out, and put him on the plane to California for spring break, confident that he would take my advice to rest a lot so he could fully recover. (Just let me have my little fantasy, ok?) I then went to sleep in his bed, instead of on the couch. Shhhhhh, don’t tell him because he hates it when people use his bed. I slept well, exhausted yet fulfilled.
Can you see why my Maldives trip was not my finest hour? Let me recap.
1. The coral was bleached. I’m not blaming the Maldives for this. It just made me sad.
2. I don’t like being on a small island with limited entertainment options. For the next beach vacation, I’d like to go to a beach town where there are beachy and non-beachy things to do, and where you can go for a long walk.
3. Sam couldn’t get in the water because of his eye. Not Maldives' fault, but it was sad.
4. I’m not crazy about resorts, because I like getting to know local cultures and resort culture is the same everywhere. It is non-culture.
5. It rained. Again, not the Maldives’ fault, but I can only read indoors in the rain for so long before my tricky hip stiffens up.
6. 4 days of buffet food is 3.5 days too many for me.
7. People with small children let their kids run wild at resorts and I have no patience for that. Since my own kids grew up, I’m not interested in kids anymore. Sure, I’ll hold a baby once a year at church or a family gathering, but then I give it back and I’m set for the year. If I ever go to another resort it will be adults-only.
8. My kids got sick and I was trapped on a tropical island like Gilligan. Very frustrating. (By the way, were you rooting for the Professor and Mary Ann to get together, like me? Ginger seemed like the obvious choice at first, but I really don’t think she got the professor’s intense genius. She was too busy being glamorous. Mary Ann would have been much more patient with his intellectual gyrations. Ginger could have anybody--let Mary Ann have the professor! Still, I do think his emotional aloofness could cause difficulties down the road. Lots to think about there.)
In short, I’m terrible at relaxing, and I don’t care. I’d rather traipse around a city all day than sit in a lounge chair, no matter how pretty the view. If I’m going to look at a view, it needs to be from the summit after at least a two-hour hike. Give me a challenging conversation in a second language over a buffet dinner any day.
You need a backup plan in case of bad weather, and on our island resort there just wasn’t a backup plan. Resorts want to take care of you, and I really don’t want to be taken care of.
So, if you’re planning a beach vacation, pick a place that gives you freedom of choice: freedom of food, freedom of activities, freedom of travel. Also, pick someplace with its natural beauty still intact, and make sure your loved ones don’t get sick or injured. Ok, that one’s impossible, but it never hurts to ask.
Have you been to the Maldives? What is your favorite beach destination? Help me plan my next beach vacation by leaving your suggestions in the comments section below.
The next two days were a whirlwind. We took a red-eye from Maldives to Hong Kong Thursday night, and took the bus to our apartment. I threw all my beach clothes out of my suitcase, threw in all my winter clothes, and took the bus back to the airport. Kissed Sam and Kid 3 goodbye for the first time in eight months. I caught the Friday night red-eye from Hong Kong to New York, a whopping 15 hour flight. True confessions: I broke my personal rule of never taking sleep aids on a plane, because I was pretty sure my body was going to seize up with all those changes if I didn’t rest. I slept like a fitful baby, sprawled across two seats because thank God there was nobody next to me.
When I arrived in New York, Kid 1 had not spiralled downward. She was not in the hospital. She just had a really bad cold. I made her some food, took Kid 2 to the doctor to make sure that hacking cough was on its way out, and put him on the plane to California for spring break, confident that he would take my advice to rest a lot so he could fully recover. (Just let me have my little fantasy, ok?) I then went to sleep in his bed, instead of on the couch. Shhhhhh, don’t tell him because he hates it when people use his bed. I slept well, exhausted yet fulfilled.
Can you see why my Maldives trip was not my finest hour? Let me recap.
1. The coral was bleached. I’m not blaming the Maldives for this. It just made me sad.
2. I don’t like being on a small island with limited entertainment options. For the next beach vacation, I’d like to go to a beach town where there are beachy and non-beachy things to do, and where you can go for a long walk.
3. Sam couldn’t get in the water because of his eye. Not Maldives' fault, but it was sad.
4. I’m not crazy about resorts, because I like getting to know local cultures and resort culture is the same everywhere. It is non-culture.
5. It rained. Again, not the Maldives’ fault, but I can only read indoors in the rain for so long before my tricky hip stiffens up.
6. 4 days of buffet food is 3.5 days too many for me.
7. People with small children let their kids run wild at resorts and I have no patience for that. Since my own kids grew up, I’m not interested in kids anymore. Sure, I’ll hold a baby once a year at church or a family gathering, but then I give it back and I’m set for the year. If I ever go to another resort it will be adults-only.
8. My kids got sick and I was trapped on a tropical island like Gilligan. Very frustrating. (By the way, were you rooting for the Professor and Mary Ann to get together, like me? Ginger seemed like the obvious choice at first, but I really don’t think she got the professor’s intense genius. She was too busy being glamorous. Mary Ann would have been much more patient with his intellectual gyrations. Ginger could have anybody--let Mary Ann have the professor! Still, I do think his emotional aloofness could cause difficulties down the road. Lots to think about there.)
In short, I’m terrible at relaxing, and I don’t care. I’d rather traipse around a city all day than sit in a lounge chair, no matter how pretty the view. If I’m going to look at a view, it needs to be from the summit after at least a two-hour hike. Give me a challenging conversation in a second language over a buffet dinner any day.
You need a backup plan in case of bad weather, and on our island resort there just wasn’t a backup plan. Resorts want to take care of you, and I really don’t want to be taken care of.
So, if you’re planning a beach vacation, pick a place that gives you freedom of choice: freedom of food, freedom of activities, freedom of travel. Also, pick someplace with its natural beauty still intact, and make sure your loved ones don’t get sick or injured. Ok, that one’s impossible, but it never hurts to ask.
Have you been to the Maldives? What is your favorite beach destination? Help me plan my next beach vacation by leaving your suggestions in the comments section below.
