 | If those guys had watched M*A*S*H, they would have noticed the male characters’ gradual evolution from womanizing, philandering, harassing playboys to civilized men. In M*A*S*H’s early years, most of the male characters were lovable serial adulterers. The fact that they were so lovable tells you where the humor lay: sexual misconduct was viewed as harmless and entertaining if the situations and dialogue were funny. Those characters were gradually replaced over the years by devoted family men. |
Sirs, please don’t tell me you were acting this way because you are from a different generation and that’s how things were back then. M*A*S*H ran from 1972 to 1983, more than thirty years ago. Everybody’s had time to learn the lessons that TV show offered.
The female characters also changed. They began to stick up for themselves, demanding respect in their workplace and personal relationships.
I’m not sure what happened in the M*A*S*H writers room between 1972 and 1983, but somebody must have decided that the Mad Men era was over, and it was time for the Golden Girls.
My mother was also a M*A*S*H fan, and a tough woman. She had no patience with the boys-will-be-boys mindset, and taught me some useful lessons.
Lesson 1: Turn them in. When I was in fifth grade, a boy in my class went around at recess asking all the girls if they wore Kotex. When I told my mom over dinner that night, she didn’t say much. But the next day, that boy was pulled out of class and punished because my mother had gone to school and reported it. She was my hero. My Shero.
Lesson 2: How to get loose. One of my junior high teachers was one of those old men who liked hugs. He liked to pull girls’ tucked-in shirts out of the back of their jeans, saying, “Your shirt was on fire so I put it out.” We knew to avoid him. My mom smelled a rat and taught me how to get away if someone grabbed my arm. It’s a rapid outward twist with downward pull, if you ever need it. I’ve never had to use it in this context, thank God.
Lesson 3: Kill them. Mom taught me how to kill someone by shoving a pencil up their jugular vein. I’ve never had to do this, but it’s nice to have the skill.
However, some women and girls don’t have these options. They are faced with men who are much more powerful. The men might be physically larger or higher up in the organization, with power to make or break your career, your grade, your reputation, your sense of well-being, or the stability of your home. In those situations, the woman is stuck because the only viable option, Lesson 1: Turn them in, usually doesn’t work. Why? Because it’s a he-said-she-said situation. If the he-said part is true (It never happened! It was consensual!) then the status quo can continue (except for the victim, whose status quo has been annihilated). If the she-said version is true, that’s going to mean the whole school/company/industry/family/church will go through some serious boat-rocking and nothing will ever be the same. And we like it when things stay the same, don’t we?
So what are we going to do?
Well, we could put body cameras on every woman in the world, but there are problems with that. If a man doesn’t pester you just because he’s on camera, then his heart is still crooked and he’ll resume pestering as soon as he’s able. Also, many things that happen to women aren’t illegal. Was it illegal when that man in New York last summer yelled at me, “Hello! Hello?! Hey! I’m just saying hello here!” No. And it wasn’t illegal for him to start walking alongside me when I sped up. And it wasn’t illegal for all the other men standing around watching to smirk and do nothing. Thankfully, I left the area without incident.
You know what it’s going to take? First, to prevent the abuse from happening, men who are bystanders are going to have to get involved. If those guys leering at me had told their buddy to back off, it might have made a difference in that little corner of the world. Step up your game, guys.
You know what else we’re going to do? We’re going to teach our boys how to be respectful toward women. In fact, we’re going to teach all our kids how to be respectful toward everybody. How? Maybe M*A*S*H isn’t your kids’ taste, so read to them and talk to them about those stories. Read them The Hundred Dresses and talk about how the kids taunted the poor girl. Read them Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry and talk about systemic and individual racism. Those books don’t deal with sexual harassment, but they deal with intimidation, emotional blackmail, and teasing, and it’s a short leap from there to sexual misconduct. Spell it out.
Beware, though, that art is a gentle teacher. It only teaches those who are willing to learn. Maybe that’s why Weinstein and his ilk never learned from M*A*S*H.
So, heads up, pussy grabbers! Your days are numbered. Don’t make me use my pencil.
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NEXT: The Truth About Paris Style
The female characters also changed. They began to stick up for themselves, demanding respect in their workplace and personal relationships.
I’m not sure what happened in the M*A*S*H writers room between 1972 and 1983, but somebody must have decided that the Mad Men era was over, and it was time for the Golden Girls.
My mother was also a M*A*S*H fan, and a tough woman. She had no patience with the boys-will-be-boys mindset, and taught me some useful lessons.
Lesson 1: Turn them in. When I was in fifth grade, a boy in my class went around at recess asking all the girls if they wore Kotex. When I told my mom over dinner that night, she didn’t say much. But the next day, that boy was pulled out of class and punished because my mother had gone to school and reported it. She was my hero. My Shero.
Lesson 2: How to get loose. One of my junior high teachers was one of those old men who liked hugs. He liked to pull girls’ tucked-in shirts out of the back of their jeans, saying, “Your shirt was on fire so I put it out.” We knew to avoid him. My mom smelled a rat and taught me how to get away if someone grabbed my arm. It’s a rapid outward twist with downward pull, if you ever need it. I’ve never had to use it in this context, thank God.
Lesson 3: Kill them. Mom taught me how to kill someone by shoving a pencil up their jugular vein. I’ve never had to do this, but it’s nice to have the skill.
However, some women and girls don’t have these options. They are faced with men who are much more powerful. The men might be physically larger or higher up in the organization, with power to make or break your career, your grade, your reputation, your sense of well-being, or the stability of your home. In those situations, the woman is stuck because the only viable option, Lesson 1: Turn them in, usually doesn’t work. Why? Because it’s a he-said-she-said situation. If the he-said part is true (It never happened! It was consensual!) then the status quo can continue (except for the victim, whose status quo has been annihilated). If the she-said version is true, that’s going to mean the whole school/company/industry/family/church will go through some serious boat-rocking and nothing will ever be the same. And we like it when things stay the same, don’t we?
So what are we going to do?
Well, we could put body cameras on every woman in the world, but there are problems with that. If a man doesn’t pester you just because he’s on camera, then his heart is still crooked and he’ll resume pestering as soon as he’s able. Also, many things that happen to women aren’t illegal. Was it illegal when that man in New York last summer yelled at me, “Hello! Hello?! Hey! I’m just saying hello here!” No. And it wasn’t illegal for him to start walking alongside me when I sped up. And it wasn’t illegal for all the other men standing around watching to smirk and do nothing. Thankfully, I left the area without incident.
You know what it’s going to take? First, to prevent the abuse from happening, men who are bystanders are going to have to get involved. If those guys leering at me had told their buddy to back off, it might have made a difference in that little corner of the world. Step up your game, guys.
You know what else we’re going to do? We’re going to teach our boys how to be respectful toward women. In fact, we’re going to teach all our kids how to be respectful toward everybody. How? Maybe M*A*S*H isn’t your kids’ taste, so read to them and talk to them about those stories. Read them The Hundred Dresses and talk about how the kids taunted the poor girl. Read them Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry and talk about systemic and individual racism. Those books don’t deal with sexual harassment, but they deal with intimidation, emotional blackmail, and teasing, and it’s a short leap from there to sexual misconduct. Spell it out.
Beware, though, that art is a gentle teacher. It only teaches those who are willing to learn. Maybe that’s why Weinstein and his ilk never learned from M*A*S*H.
So, heads up, pussy grabbers! Your days are numbered. Don’t make me use my pencil.
PREVIOUS: Thoughts on Turning 51
NEXT: The Truth About Paris Style